I guess I am destined to learn how to run - all these people keep making me do it. LOL! Again, running in the park this morning with some push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lunges and a few other assorted moves thrown in for an hour early this morning. I am so glad I just have a "regular" workout tomorrow - I may regret saying that too!
On a more serious note….today while speaking with Kwentin, my counselor, we talked about the importance of setting realistic goals – what a concept. You mean I can’t loose 10 pounds a week for the next nine weeks and be done with it? S%&$T! After learning - not really learning…more like finally realizing - about calories in vs. calories out while I was at the Biggest Loser Resort, I know REALLY KNOW it is only possible to loose about two pounds a week. Unless you are in an unrealistic situation – like on the Biggest Looser television program or at the Biggest Loser Resort. I am FINALLY getting this concept and how I have been on this roller coaster ride of losing and gaining and losing and gaining for the last twenty years – and especially during the last eight months of my Fit by Fifty blogging experience which you have all seen. I had a huge epiphany today – yes I’m a little slow. It will take slow steady progress to reach my goal – which I am now extending until June 10, 2011 by the way. I will still be 50 years old then – so hey it is still “fit by fifty,” right? Anyway, there is no magic pill, exercise, words, emotional release, book, diet, experience or anything that can get one to their desired weight of choice – there is just the journey. The slow and steady journey – that is! I feel like I have experienced a lot in the last 245 days – can you believe it has been that long? I have learned a lot too. I know the next 280 days will bring the same – more personal, spiritual, and emotional growth. So, for the next nine months watch me birth a new baby – ME! This is very symbolic if you know anything at all about my struggles with not having children of my own. So, I think it is quite fitting that the new ME will take nine months to be formed – just like a new baby. It’s going to be fun – and it’s going to be a celebration when it happens!
Showing posts with label Epiphanies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Epiphanies. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
A day of Epiphanies!
Yesterday was a day of feeling stuck, slumping around, sleeping, feeling depressed and hopeless and not feeling supported after someone commented that I was a quitter because of what I wrote a couple of days ago.
Today was a day of epiphanies! Yay! Today was also a crossroads in my journey. Yesterday, I literally wanted to quit forever, especially after hearing that I was a quitter from one person. Don’t worry – I am choosing the path of success, love, and freedom not the path of oppression! Today I realized that I have set all this into place – the blog; Kwentin, the counselor; the multiple planned visits to the Biggest Loser Resort; Marc and Janice, the trainers; the meditations; the books I have been reading; the Prosperity Princesses meetings; the gratitude journal; the gofitwear band; the food journaling and all the other things I have been doing along my journey so that when I got to this VERY point I would have support. Geez it sounds like the plot to a soap opera or at least a good book! Hmmmmm….. This is the point that I have been at so many times before in the last 10 -15 years in which I would just say forget it – I quit - and then go on a month or two or three of eating bad, feeling bad and not exercising at all. Taking all that had accomplished and reversing it back to the beginning or worse – gaining more and more weight – a horrible vicious unproductive cycle.
It is funny how things seem to all happen at the same time and for a reason. Today was one of those days. Thank you God and the Universe!
This morning when I went to my workout, Marc told me after he gets married in two weeks we will only be working out once a week. I sat there with fear in my heart that I was going to be abandoned. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for him and his fiancé. But, again ‘What about me and my needs?” I thought when he told me this. But, then we went over my 5 year, 1 year, 6 month and 3 month goals – like wearing a size 8-10 in five years (not to say I won’t get there before that), perhaps becoming a personal trainer/life coach once I meet my goal (that I would really love to do!), and some of my fitness goals – like skiing again or learning to snowboard, waterskiing again, doing the Mud Run again, doing some 5 and/or 10 Ks, getting back into spinning, doing a Zumba class, etc. Just sitting and TALKING about it made me feel SO much better about my journey!
Then my friend Cathi, the one I did the Mud Run with, texted me out of the blue and we had a whole text discussion (I know why not talk on the phone! She was in a meeting. LOL) about eating right, not saying anything is off limits – just have smaller portion, and that it is a lifestyle not a diet. She even admitted that she has “just recently gotten a handle on it” – and she has done several triathlons. Talking with her made me feel SO much better - like I CAN do this!
Then I had my session with Kwentin, the counselor from the Biggest Loser Resort, and we talked about my resistance to feeling my feelings and how for the last couple of days I was in a slump. We figured out that I was rebelling and some of the reasons for my emotions. And, how I don’t really want to face some of my emotions. He pointed out would I rather be unhappy and not express my emotions or unhappy and face and express my emotions? That was a huge epiphany to me. We discussed what is rebellion? We went through my feelings when have rebelled I the past and what the worst possible outcomes could be if I made a rebellious choice. Like deciding to eat and drink too much and then feeling crapping or doing something stupid and so on and so on. Not a pretty sight! And not very becoming! Then he asked how does that make me feel and I thought about and it seemed so stupid to do something that would have a bad outcome. Why can’t the person with the MBA figure this out on her own? LOL! Anyway, what does rebellion mean – It means “opposition to one in authority or dominance.” Some of the synonyms for rebel are “fight back”, “go up against”, and “revolt.” Then he asked me who I am rebelling against? Who am I fighting with? Myself?! Argh! Oh my goodness! Epiphany! Why would I rebel against myself? That makes no sense at all. And, now my homework is to Write My Declaration of Independence. I am feeling like this is all going to turn out so GREAT! Whew - that was a lot of writing and a lot of emotion. I feel better now!
Today was a day of epiphanies! Yay! Today was also a crossroads in my journey. Yesterday, I literally wanted to quit forever, especially after hearing that I was a quitter from one person. Don’t worry – I am choosing the path of success, love, and freedom not the path of oppression! Today I realized that I have set all this into place – the blog; Kwentin, the counselor; the multiple planned visits to the Biggest Loser Resort; Marc and Janice, the trainers; the meditations; the books I have been reading; the Prosperity Princesses meetings; the gratitude journal; the gofitwear band; the food journaling and all the other things I have been doing along my journey so that when I got to this VERY point I would have support. Geez it sounds like the plot to a soap opera or at least a good book! Hmmmmm….. This is the point that I have been at so many times before in the last 10 -15 years in which I would just say forget it – I quit - and then go on a month or two or three of eating bad, feeling bad and not exercising at all. Taking all that had accomplished and reversing it back to the beginning or worse – gaining more and more weight – a horrible vicious unproductive cycle.
It is funny how things seem to all happen at the same time and for a reason. Today was one of those days. Thank you God and the Universe!
This morning when I went to my workout, Marc told me after he gets married in two weeks we will only be working out once a week. I sat there with fear in my heart that I was going to be abandoned. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for him and his fiancé. But, again ‘What about me and my needs?” I thought when he told me this. But, then we went over my 5 year, 1 year, 6 month and 3 month goals – like wearing a size 8-10 in five years (not to say I won’t get there before that), perhaps becoming a personal trainer/life coach once I meet my goal (that I would really love to do!), and some of my fitness goals – like skiing again or learning to snowboard, waterskiing again, doing the Mud Run again, doing some 5 and/or 10 Ks, getting back into spinning, doing a Zumba class, etc. Just sitting and TALKING about it made me feel SO much better about my journey!
Then my friend Cathi, the one I did the Mud Run with, texted me out of the blue and we had a whole text discussion (I know why not talk on the phone! She was in a meeting. LOL) about eating right, not saying anything is off limits – just have smaller portion, and that it is a lifestyle not a diet. She even admitted that she has “just recently gotten a handle on it” – and she has done several triathlons. Talking with her made me feel SO much better - like I CAN do this!
Then I had my session with Kwentin, the counselor from the Biggest Loser Resort, and we talked about my resistance to feeling my feelings and how for the last couple of days I was in a slump. We figured out that I was rebelling and some of the reasons for my emotions. And, how I don’t really want to face some of my emotions. He pointed out would I rather be unhappy and not express my emotions or unhappy and face and express my emotions? That was a huge epiphany to me. We discussed what is rebellion? We went through my feelings when have rebelled I the past and what the worst possible outcomes could be if I made a rebellious choice. Like deciding to eat and drink too much and then feeling crapping or doing something stupid and so on and so on. Not a pretty sight! And not very becoming! Then he asked how does that make me feel and I thought about and it seemed so stupid to do something that would have a bad outcome. Why can’t the person with the MBA figure this out on her own? LOL! Anyway, what does rebellion mean – It means “opposition to one in authority or dominance.” Some of the synonyms for rebel are “fight back”, “go up against”, and “revolt.” Then he asked me who I am rebelling against? Who am I fighting with? Myself?! Argh! Oh my goodness! Epiphany! Why would I rebel against myself? That makes no sense at all. And, now my homework is to Write My Declaration of Independence. I am feeling like this is all going to turn out so GREAT! Whew - that was a lot of writing and a lot of emotion. I feel better now!
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