Acceptance and Gratitude

What does Acceptance mean? I used to think it meant you just took what you got and that it was sort of not the best word, but in looking at it more closely it actually means, according to the dictionary - "the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable." The reason I am writing about this is because I think that this is the key to releasing the rest of my weight. I now accept the state of my body as being acceptable just the way it is, not that I am not working toward releasing more weight, but that I am at peace with the way it is today and that I love myself, which means letting it go. Not letting it go by giving up, but letting it go by being happy with today and what is. A few weeks ago I was beginning to feel that I needed a break so I went into a maintenance stage until the end of the year - that was the plan at the time anyway. But, now after pondering and thinking for the last few weeks, I think the real solution is to just let it go and to let my fears go, and to stop focusing so much of my attention on me and my weight loss, diets, books, exercise, etc. Not to say I won't be exercising and be mindful of what I eat, but that is different than forcing the situation by mandating I eat this or that because some one said I should, or doing this or that exercise because someone told me it was the best one. Something happened to me over the last week or so. I'm not sure if was actually turning fifty. Or if it was the vacation to Hawaii and the people we met there. Or if it is the purpose of the journey I been on for the last ten months becoming clear. It is probably a little bit of each. But, I now have a sense of gratitude for my life and all the people in it that I have never had before it my entire life. I think this may just be the key to releasing the weight and to realizing all my dreams. Instead of focusing on what I don't want or have, it came to me that I need to be grateful for what I do have and not focus on what I don't have or want. Before we went to Hawaii and during the first few days of the trip I was filled with anxiety and fear - worried about the plane ride, worried about my pets at home, anxious about potentially going on a helicopter ride, scared of the dolphins, scared of the sail boat ride - I was a mess! For the weeks before the trip I had been in a state of anxiety too - about everything - almost seemingly irrational thinking. Well, it was irrational thinking, actually! Then over the last two weeks or so it just became clear for me through a series of events, conversations with different people, and ponderings, meditations and thoughts. My friend Michele told me a couple of weeks ago that she thinks that definition of depression is "incessant thinking about one's self." - which in thinking about it doesn't come from a place of gratitude. I realized on our trip that I was doing just that thinking incessantly about myself and my "problems" instead of being grateful for all that I have and all those I love in my life. So, I have let go of my anger, struggle, unforgiveness and lack of gratitude. And, I am living in a state of joy - joy for all the wonderful things I DO have in my life!! And, I am thinking about how I can give back with gratitude – maybe becoming a personal trainer that focuses on three aspects of weight release – what you eat (not a diet!), moving your body (not exercise!) and most importantly your thought processes and spirituality. Who knows maybe I can help a lot of people!