A day of Epiphanies!

Yesterday was a day of feeling stuck, slumping around, sleeping, feeling depressed and hopeless and not feeling supported after someone commented that I was a quitter because of what I wrote a couple of days ago.

Today was a day of epiphanies! Yay! Today was also a crossroads in my journey. Yesterday, I literally wanted to quit forever, especially after hearing that I was a quitter from one person. Don’t worry – I am choosing the path of success, love, and freedom not the path of oppression! Today I realized that I have set all this into place – the blog; Kwentin, the counselor; the multiple planned visits to the Biggest Loser Resort; Marc and Janice, the trainers; the meditations; the books I have been reading; the Prosperity Princesses meetings; the gratitude journal; the gofitwear band; the food journaling and all the other things I have been doing along my journey so that when I got to this VERY point I would have support. Geez it sounds like the plot to a soap opera or at least a good book! Hmmmmm….. This is the point that I have been at so many times before in the last 10 -15 years in which I would just say forget it – I quit - and then go on a month or two or three of eating bad, feeling bad and not exercising at all. Taking all that had accomplished and reversing it back to the beginning or worse – gaining more and more weight – a horrible vicious unproductive cycle.

It is funny how things seem to all happen at the same time and for a reason. Today was one of those days. Thank you God and the Universe!

This morning when I went to my workout, Marc told me after he gets married in two weeks we will only be working out once a week. I sat there with fear in my heart that I was going to be abandoned. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for him and his fiancé. But, again ‘What about me and my needs?” I thought when he told me this. But, then we went over my 5 year, 1 year, 6 month and 3 month goals – like wearing a size 8-10 in five years (not to say I won’t get there before that), perhaps becoming a personal trainer/life coach once I meet my goal (that I would really love to do!), and some of my fitness goals – like skiing again or learning to snowboard, waterskiing again, doing the Mud Run again, doing some 5 and/or 10 Ks, getting back into spinning, doing a Zumba class, etc. Just sitting and TALKING about it made me feel SO much better about my journey!

Then my friend Cathi, the one I did the Mud Run with, texted me out of the blue and we had a whole text discussion (I know why not talk on the phone! She was in a meeting. LOL) about eating right, not saying anything is off limits – just have smaller portion, and that it is a lifestyle not a diet. She even admitted that she has “just recently gotten a handle on it” – and she has done several triathlons. Talking with her made me feel SO much better - like I CAN do this!

Then I had my session with Kwentin, the counselor from the Biggest Loser Resort, and we talked about my resistance to feeling my feelings and how for the last couple of days I was in a slump. We figured out that I was rebelling and some of the reasons for my emotions. And, how I don’t really want to face some of my emotions. He pointed out would I rather be unhappy and not express my emotions or unhappy and face and express my emotions? That was a huge epiphany to me. We discussed what is rebellion? We went through my feelings when have rebelled I the past and what the worst possible outcomes could be if I made a rebellious choice. Like deciding to eat and drink too much and then feeling crapping or doing something stupid and so on and so on. Not a pretty sight! And not very becoming! Then he asked how does that make me feel and I thought about and it seemed so stupid to do something that would have a bad outcome. Why can’t the person with the MBA figure this out on her own? LOL! Anyway, what does rebellion mean – It means “opposition to one in authority or dominance.” Some of the synonyms for rebel are “fight back”, “go up against”, and “revolt.” Then he asked me who I am rebelling against? Who am I fighting with? Myself?! Argh! Oh my goodness! Epiphany! Why would I rebel against myself? That makes no sense at all. And, now my homework is to Write My Declaration of Independence. I am feeling like this is all going to turn out so GREAT! Whew - that was a lot of writing and a lot of emotion. I feel better now!