And the winner is....

not me. I didn't win our family biggest loser contest, but I did loose 15 pounds since we began for a 5.6 percent weight loss. Not too bad! The winner lost 23 pounds, but he is a 28 year old guy. So, I don't feel too bad. Anyway, we had a bbq today. I was good. I did have a few too many chocolate covered strawberries though. I will have to work that off tomorrow.

Home at last after an awesome week!

I am home now after an amazing week at the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge. The results are in - I lost 7 pounds and one percent body fat. I am excited!!!! It was the best week!! I loved the whole week of hiking and working out, taking classes and learning how to eat healthy. I actually am excited to go back in August. The Resort gives you a compilation of photos and video taken during the week set to some awesome pumped up music. I just shared that with Steve and it was really a neat moment.  Now I need to focus on working out at least five times a week and eating a healthy balanced diet - they recommended that your plate be 1/4 protein, 1/4 whole grain complex carbs and the other have vegetables. So, I am going to shoot for that - I made a menu plan for this week and went shopping for food already. My next hurdle is a big, big one - the Mud Run next weekend!! Based on my performance on the hikes the Mud Run will be an extreme challenge for me. But, I AM going to do it. I might be the last one over the finish line, but I will finish!! Tonight some rest in my own bed and some exercise in the morning before the last weigh in of the family Biggest Loser contest. I don’t think I was able to make up enough pounds last week to win, but we shall see.

Another awesome hike today!

Another awesome hike today! Up at the crack of dawn again today and out for hike at 6:30 a.m. for 21/2 hours - it was great - much better than the first day. My crazy self portrait with the sun on my head - wierd, huh? Then after the hike we had breakfast and then the rest of the day was free - thank goodness. I got a manicure and an emotional release massage. That was avery interesting experience - it was a massage but then the massage therapist would touch you in a certain place and she actually knew things that were bothering you or things that you were emotional about. She was exactly correct when she identified two areas that I am not complete in. It was extremely healing and cathartic for me - which according the the therapist should help me in releasing my weight. So, that is exciting. Then tonight we had "graduation" where we watched a video of the week and everyone sweating their buns off. LOL! Some people announced how much they lost while they were here - my roommate lost 19 pounds in four weeks, another lady lost 28 pounds in four weeks. So, that was pretty encouraging. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning and I will report what my results were tomorrow. After I eat my breakfast then I am off for my five plus hour drive home. Can't wait to see hubby and Cleo!!!

Really cool hike today

Today I went on a really cool hike called the Butterfly hike, as you can see by the photo these rocks look like butterfly wings, hence the name. It was a nice hike and we also went to a cave, the other photo - kinda scary huh? - where hikers shimmy down in and hike out the other side - our hike guide was engaged there. Crazy, huh? Then there was a stretch class, counseling for going home, lunch, another kick butt pool class, circuit training, and disco dance class. So, another full day. Oh and also a class on the importance of calories in vs. calories out in order to loose weight. I calculated my resting metabolic rate - how many calories I burn just laying around all day in order to find out how much I would have to eat and exercise to loose weight. It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to loose one pound - I knew this fact before, but never really figured out how much I could eat to loose, etc. But, now I am figuring that out so when I get home I will be very aware of calories in and calories out to release some more pounds.  No more wild sushi or pasta nights for me for awhile unless I am willing to exercise a ton the next day, argh! It is all good I am coming home with a plan and I have learned that I like hiking,  swimming,   and kickboxing. Anyone want to go? Oh yes, and some yoga or stretching too!

The Blister

I guess the title today say it all. Argh! Today was what they call here the stop sign hike up a grade for many miles to a couple of stop signs, but  making it there is a prize. I made it to the first one and all the way back down to the van that brings us to and from the hikes. The last mile or so I was dying because I now am the proud owner of a huge blister on the ball of my foot. Argh! But, I made it the whole 5 1/2 miles. Not so sure about tomorrow though with this darn thing. We shall see. Pray for a miracle and that it is gone in the morning or at least enough better to be able to do the hike. Again today the scenary was gorgeous, no photos though sorry. After that we had open breakfast and another lecture and then open gym where we could do whatever we wanted - I did the treadmill a some weights. Then it was into the pool - who would think that a pool exercise class would be so darn hard. Then lunch and another lecture on what to do at home. Then a class called Ball Works - oh my gosh who knew you could torture someone so much with one of those big inflated balls, I forget what they are called. Anyway, tons of sweat. LOL! Then a class they call treading where you do balls out cardio for five minutes then rest, then four minutes then rest on down until you are doing one minute of hard core cardio and one minute of rest. I thought I was going to die. I had to do the stationary bike - the only good thing about the blister is that I couldn't do the treadmill. LOL! Then back into the pool - which was a relief after the other class. Then dinner and some menu planning strategies - boy is Steve going to experience some new healthy eating. And, now I am in my room writing this blog at 8 p.m. I haven't even commented on how nice and sincere and caring everyone here is. It is interesting how so much of being overweight is emotional - well I guess I already knew that.

Fourth day...and a whole lot more exercise

Here is a photo of one of the places we hiked. Today was similar to the other days so far - it is already starting to seem like the movie Ground Hog Day. LOL! A hike, and four exercise classes, including kick boxing - which I loved. I am going to have to incorporate that into my exercise repitoir when I get home. And, hiking too. I will be doing the Claremont Wilderness Trail for sure now. Anyone game to go on that hike? We also had several lectures about eating and emotions and other topics, but one interesting thing that someone said was that "Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are right." Hmmmmm...Didn't I post that on an early blog and don't I talk about that quite a bit. Well, all my thoughts were totally reinforced again in a completely good way. YEAH! And, on my hike this morning I hiked with one of the hike guides and we talked about all kinds of very interesting things that also made me know tht I am on the right track. I did get a blister though...

Third Day

Today was another two hour hike, then it was stretching and a lecture on using free weights - thank goodness. Then we had a great lunch and a cooking demonstation - watch out Steve new meals on the way. After that it was cardio intervals in the pool, followed by cardio intervals in the gym - very, very tough. And, the last class was total toning, which kicked my butt. I just finished up a great dinner of enchiladas, yes enchiladas, but made a little different that the ones from your typical mexican restaurant. Very good! Today some of the things I realized were that that darn drunk monkey needs to be dealt with and handled, and that doing something is better than doing nothing exercise wise. Plus, in one of the workouts the trainer said,"There are three kinds of people, the ones that do it, those that talk about doing it and those that think about doing it but do nothing about it. Which one do you wan to be?" Obviously the only one to be is the one that does it. Being here I realize that I have been really good about talking about doing it with this blog etc. But, I am going to stop talking and just do it now. The other thing that is so inspiring and appears to be divine karma, is that I am here during the finally of the biggest loser show, which I am watching right now. Yes. That is it I am just going to actually do what I say. Release this weight by the end of the year!!!

Day Two... oh my!

That is about all I can say. No really I can say a lot more about today. But, to start let me tell you that this was the hardest day of my life -physically that is. First we went on a two hour hike up some knarly hills - I thought I was going to die or at least that my lungs would burst. Not, really, but it was very difficult for me. Then we had breakfast, which was really good, then a lecture about the emotional reasons we eat - that is totally my problem so it was great to learn ways I can start to control that. Then it was of to Mountain, just what is sounds like an hour of climbing - increasing the intensity every two or three minutes. Argh! Then lunch, which were some really good fish tacos and tomato soup. Then a lecture on budgeting calories and exercise in order to release weight. Pretty interesting. Then ciruit training - not like what you would think just doing weights - no it was two minutes of intense cardio then 45 seconds of continuous weight lifting two times. I was doing okay up to this point and then came Step and Pump - oh my gosh- that has to be the hardest class I have ever taken. Then we did Deep Water Suspension. For those of you that know my Florence Chadwick treading water story from when I was a child can only imagine how that one affected me. Yes. It was just that treading water in the deep end. The good news is I made it through all this. Weeewww! Then we had a great dinner of chicken, asparagus and some sort of great mashed potatoes. Nummy! Now a shower and then some sleep to do it all over again. Someone who has been here for five weeks or so said that after awhile it seems like you are in the movie Ground Hog Day. LOL! Anyway so far so good! I'm excited to see my results after a week and to put into practice all the good information I am learning.

I'm here!

I arrived at the Biggest Loser Fitness Resort today. But, not without some distress. What is a road trip without at speeding ticket? That's right - a speeding ticket in good old Las Vegas. Total speed trap, whatever! I guess I'm supposed to slow down. LOL. Anyway, as I was driving after I got the speeding ticket, while I was driving the speed limit - how boring - I was filled with apprehension about what this place would be like. I was thinking all sorts of scenarios. All for not - once I arrived I was fine. Everyone is very nice and helpful. We had a dinner of lettuce wraps and a chocolate pie - that's right chocolate pie, but it only had 95 calories. Then we had orientation and they explained that we will be doing 6-7 hours of exercise a day and eating 1200 calories. Each day starts with at 6:30 a.m. hike. Yikees. That will be early tomorrow. I unpacked all my goods and my roommate told me what to expect etc. - she has been here for three weeks already. So, think of me tomorrow while I am hiking away in the beautiful Utah wilderness. Oh yeah... and one guy lost 32 pounds his first week here. WOW! So, I am ready for my first day!!

one day and sushi date

okay I am packed, almost, and ready to go. We went to sushi..I have had a really stressful day so sushi sounded good. We encountered a Sharmin. This is all I will say. But, I am hopeful on my journey!

Two days...well really tomorrow and then I go....

So, tomorrow I have a lot to do - you would think I was going on a trip around the world for a year! LOL! Anyway, I am downloading tunes, getting my camera ready, getting my laptop ready, figuring out how to download photos and a whole bunch of other technical stuff - crazy for going to a fitness camp, huh? I still have to grade my students test and input their grades tomorrow. Argh! Today I had the best massage to try to get a little relaxed before I hit the hiking trail for a week. LOL! I am also going to bring a bunch of inspirational books to read - Doreen Virtue books, and other spiritual type genre books. Who knows if I will even have time for that! And, of course I have CD's to listen to in the car. A road trip for five hours alone could be pretty boring with out CD's and, of course, I will have my blue tooth so I can talk all the way there, if I have too. So, be prepared to get a phone call if I know your phone number. LOL! Okay, back to downloading songs! More tomorrow!

Three days....

The count down is probably getting boring, yes? But, I am getting more excited each day - hence the count down. LOL! It seems like I have so much to do before I go - being away from home and work for a week is a long time for me, especially to be away from Steve. But, it will be worth it. I am starting to put my things in my suitcase, each hour thinking of something else I should bring. Good socks are crucial I hear – with all the hiking and walking I will be doing – 3-9 miles a day depending on your fitness level. I am thinking I can probably do about 5-7 miles a day without too much problem. But, we shall see. I don't want to get blisters so I bought a ton of blister resisting, or whatever you want to call them, socks! What a thing to talk about! LOL! Anyway tomorrow I will be finishing up my grading for my class before I leave. And, making sure all my real estate transactions can survive a week without me. Oh dear! I'm sure everything will be fine. Then Saturday I will really pack - and try to relax a bit before my big week. I can't wait! I think I'm going to take a little look at the Face Book page for the resort now. Good Night!

Four more days.....

"Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it. I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi
1869-1948, Indian Nationalist Leader

I saw this quote and thought it was appropriate for my journey. I am getting so excited and nervous about going to the Biggest Loser Resort. I found their facebook page – here is the link. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1364123321&v=photos&so=0#!/group.php?gid=17748952762

I have been looking at photos of the rooms, the food, the exercise, and the hikes. Oh boy it looks like a lot of work. But, I am up for it. Or I say I am. I have been completely off track since I have been counting down the days until I leave. I wonder if I am sabotaging myself. That is my guess. I am even had pizza for dinner tonight. The good news is once I am at the resort it will be all good, healthy food and lots a fun and productive exercise. And, from the photos I have seen a lot of fun and meeting some nice new people. I can’t wait!! Only four more days until I make the drive to Utah.

Five days and counting.....

I am counting down the days until I go to the resort....I know I keep saying that, but I really am. I am so ready to go - I have gotten so off track on my eating and my mindset. I do always manage to workout though. What is with that? This morning was a great workout, but very difficult. Not sure if it was the rainy gloomy weather - on May 18th (what is up with that?) or the fact I only slept 5 and a half hours, or the fact that I had a little bit of a food fest at the birthday party that made it so challenging for me. But, I managed to make it through - I always do. Game on!

Oh dear!

Oh dear! Yesterday took a toll on my weigh in tonight. And, that of all but one of the contestants. So, back on plan tomorrow starting with my workout at 7 a.m. Only five more days until I go to the resort. I wonder how much I will be able to release in my week stay. I hope quite a bit. But, most of all I hope to get my eating in the right mind set during my stay and get my endurance up to be able to do the Mud Run. This journey is long and today I am tired of it, but thank goodness tomorrow is another day.

Really great birthday party....really bad eating

Today we had a birthday party for a nine year old - my step granddaughter - Makayla, who I love like she is my own child. It was a ton of fun! She had a blast! But, it was a blast in a bad way to my eating - chocolate cake, chips and dip, cheeseburgers etc. You get the picture. It is terrible how easily I get off track. I don't even like cheeseburgers, but I ate one. Whatever! The good news is all the family Biggest Loser contestants were there - eating - a lot. LOL! Anyway, this time next week I will be writing from the Biggest Loser Resort. Oh dear! Six days until I make the trek to Utah. WOW! It is amazing how fast time flies. I can't wait. But, I have to admit I am a little scared to go.

Finding my authentic self

I am so sorry I have not posted for the last few days. I have been having computer issues. Still am - but I managed to get this posted today.

Authentic Self, what does that mean exactly? According to the dictionary, authentic is, "Worthy of trust, reliance, or belief: Having an undisputed origin; genuine."
Self is defined as, "The qualities of one person distinguishing him from another; personality or character; individuality. One's own interests."

The following is some information I found on the Internet regarding finding your authentic self. Very interesting! A part of my journey is indeed, finding my authentic self. So, I am then a work in progress. But, a beautiful picture is beginning to appear. I think I’m on the right track because I am being BOLD – starting this Blog is bold, going to the Biggest Loser Resort alone is bold. Yes. I am.

If you're unsure whether you're living an authentic life or not, consider some of the following questions.
Do you feel successful on the outside but like a fraud on the inside? Is your public face a mask that reveals strength but the inside is scared? Do you have a sense of lingering loneliness in spite of the amount of people involved in your life? Are there people in your life that drain you? Does your career bring you a sense of peace and fulfillment? Do you make decisions based upon what others think or want just to be accepted?

Our Authentic Self is that place, deep within, that has the answers to all these questions. Where our truths, beliefs, values and dreams live; our "genuine," our "individuality." It is there that we know how we really feel, even though we may be uncomfortable admitting it to the world or even to ourselves at times. Finding your Authentic Self and bringing it forth can be scary, and yet, it can be one of the most freeing experiences of your life.
When you come from a place of authenticity you make choices in life that feels right to you. That resonates with your soul, without the concern of what others will think. When this is accomplished you take on a life of free will. And there is no greater gift than that of free will.

The nineteenth-century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said, "The most common despair is...not choosing, or willing, to be oneself, but the deepest form of despair is to choose to be another than oneself."
If you're someone who's been living everyone else's life other than your own, it's never too late to awaken your Authentic Self and listen closely as the truth is whispered to you. This takes some courage. It means being willing to say no when you might normally say yes and the yes isn't authentic. You may realize your truth is wanting a more simple life, one that doesn't have to keep up with the Jones'. Whatever it is for you, be willing to create some personal time so you can get reacquainted with your Self and start to live your life. Allow yourself to be selfish.

If the word selfish makes you want to run away as fast as you can let me share a distinction with you between Selfishness and Self-interest, which should help you embrace the idea that being selfish is really okay.
Selfishness is when you take care of your Self, your needs, wants and life as a priority so you have plenty of emotional and physical reserve to be there for others without any resentment or anger. It's about having your gas tank on full and when it starts to get low you fill it up again by taking care of your Self.
Self-interest is when you focus your attention and activities upon yourself to the exclusion of other people. There is no consideration for others.
So you see, when you take the time to be selfish, you're creating the opportunity to live more authentically, bringing you more happiness, which ultimately benefits your family and friends.


Give your Self a gift today. Let go of your have to and should just for a little while. Slow down, listen to what you're heart is telling you. What do you hear? Look inside. Who do you see? When you start to see a glimmer of your Authentic Self, allow it to flow to the surface and take the steps needed to begin your authentic journey. Remember, it's the infinitesimal steps that can create the biggest transformation.

Authenticity is about enjoying a new sense of freedom to be who we really are—ourselves, natural and without a mask in our relationships, our work and our life. It takes courage, commitment and depth to:
• Look within ourselves
• Tell the whole truth (even when we don't want to)
• Be vulnerable
• Admit, own and share our true thoughts, feelings, desires, insecurities, passions, embarrassment, dreams and more

Know Yourself
The first essential aspect of our journey to live a more authentic, meaningful and fulfilling life, is to know who we truly are at the deepest level. Knowing ourselves, like being authentic itself, is a lifelong process. The more deliberate we are about this, however, the more we can grow and evolve consciously.

For me, knowing myself has been, and at times continues to be, a little tricky. For many years, I thought "knowing myself" meant knowing about myself (my "story," my issues, my drama, where I'd been, what I'd been through, etc.). While knowing about ourselves is important, it's only a small piece of who we really are.

Being fully aware of ourselves is about looking more deeply within. This can be challenging, confusing and scary for some of us, myself included. We often aren't sure where to look, what to do or how to deal with the aspects of ourselves we don't understand or even like. There are times I find myself wanting to avoid or deny certain aspects of myself, rather than confront them and deal with them directly based on my own fear or self-judgment. However, as we're willing to really go within ourselves, know who we are and make peace with ourselves, we can create what we truly want in life. As Eckhart Tolle says in his best-selling book A New Earth, "Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free."

Transform Your Fear
Fear is something that we all experience throughout our lives, especially on our journey toward deeper authenticity. Being who we really are, expressing ourselves honestly, being bold and going for what we want in life can cause a great deal of fear in us.

I get scared all the time. When I was younger, I thought there was something really wrong with me because I would get so nervous—in sports, in school, in social settings and more. I now understand that everyone else experiences their own version of the same basic fears I have (being judged, making mistakes, looking bad, failing, disappointing others). It's just part of being human.

Many of us run away or hide from our fears because they seem scary, uncomfortable or embarrassing. We also erroneously think we "shouldn't" have them or that we are somehow "wrong" for feeling scared. However, most things that mean a lot to us in life don't show up without any fear at all. As we strive to live with authenticity, it's inevitable that we'll experience quite a bit of fear along the way.

The question isn't whether we experience fear in our lives (because we all do and always will for as long as we live); the more important question for each of us to ask and to answer is: How can I move through my fears in an honest way so they don't stop me from being who I really am and going for what I truly want in life? We're able to transform our fears by admitting, owning and expressing them, thus allowing us to move through them in an honest and authentic way.

Express Yourself
While most of us aren't bald-faced liars who go around deceiving people consciously, if we're honest with ourselves about it, we often don't fully speak our truth or express all of our emotions. We've been trained and have in turn trained ourselves to be "appropriate" and to say and do the "right" thing so we can get what we want and look as good as possible in most situations.

Be Bold
Some people may consider themselves "bold," but most people I know and work with—myself included—admit that they don't often think of themselves as a "bold" person. Or, if we've done or said bold things in our lives, they seem to be few and far between...and they also seem to scare us half to death. Hence, we often don't find ourselves being bold in life—or not nearly as much as we'd like.

Being bold, while scary and challenging for many of us, is essential if we're going to live an authentic life. Boldness is about stepping up and stepping out onto our "edge" in life—pushing the limits of what we think is possible or appropriate. It's about living, speaking and acting in ways that are both courageous and true to who we really are.

Because we're all unique, our individual versions of boldness will look quite different. Something that might be "bold" for me may not be so for you—or vice versa. Being bold has to do with us getting in touch with our deepest truths, passions and desires in life and then having the courage to live and act "out loud" in a way that is congruent with this.

Celebrate Who You Are
The ultimate goal of being ourselves in an authentic way is actually about celebrating and loving ourselves in a generous way. If we truly love ourselves, most of what we worry about and even much of what we strive for in life becomes meaningless. We may still have some worries, and we'll definitely continue to have goals, dreams and desires. However, from a place of true self-appreciation and self-love, the fear behind our worries and the motivation for our goals dramatically changes from something we have to avoid or produce in order to be accepted and valued to something we're genuinely concerned about or really want to accomplish.

On the flip side, if we don't love ourselves, nothing much really matters. No matter what we conquer, create or experience, we're never able to appreciate it or ourselves or to be fulfilled in the process, because we're constantly striving to be validated in an insatiable way.

Self-love is what we're all searching for. Sadly, we spend most of our lives thinking that someone or something else can give us what only we can give ourselves. To be truly fulfilled in life, we have to find that love within us and give it to ourselves. No other person, amount of money, material possession or accomplishment can do it. It's up to us. We have an opportunity to celebrate who we are for any reason and at any time.

Being your authentic self is not for the faint of heart, but once you're willing to truly engage and do the work to become more real—your life, your work and your relationships will be more exciting, meaningful and fulfilling!

Mike Robbins is a best-selling author, sought-after motivational keynote speaker and personal growth expert who works with people and groups of all kinds. Robbins is the author of the best-selling books Focus on the Good Stuff and Be Yourself: Everyone Else Is Already Taken. He and his work have been featured on ABC News, in Forbes, Ladies Home Journal, Self and many others.

What is our authentic self?

The answer or my version of the answer tomorrow..... :)

No Doubt!

Mud Run! Oh dear!!! It is coming up soon. I went to dinner tonight with two of my Mud Run co-runners. Yikkess…..I am ready - but I am scared. We are contemplating getting team shirts – sounds good to me so we can find each other in the sea of people. And, I hear there will be a lot, many, a ton (how ever you want to describe it)of people there. All kinds of people...fit people, Marine people, kid people, team people, people like me(I hope) - just a whole lot of people! Also, I am told I need to get spandex pants or shorts because I will have mud everywhere, and they said everywhere (if you know what I mean) – oh great! I’m ready though – I am – I swear I am. Well, I will be anyway! Right? So, that said – did you know that you can have, be or do anything you want? Yes, you can. The only thing that gets in our way is our doubt. And, I can attest to that. No more doubt. Hmmmm… Isn’t there a band named something like that? LOL! Well, that is something to think about and something I am going to heed going into my week at the resort and the Mud Run. I have no doubt that I will succeed at the resort and at the Mud Run. Yes. I know I will. I have no doubt!!! In eleven days - will be there living it - having no doubt that I can do it!

I'm back! Back on track that is!

Thank goodness some might be saying – she is finally out of the pit. After my week or more of being off track, I feel like I am back on track now. Interesting that the Mercury Retrograde ends tomorrow and I am already feeling much more stable. We had our weigh in tonight and I lost one pound! But I am still up five pounds - that is better than gaining or staying the same, right? I finally went on my Euclid walk tonight. It felt great to do it again - and Cleo loved it! And, according to my handy dandy GoWearFit monitor I burned 500 calories and went about 6000 steps on that walk. That seems like a lot of calories burned, but it IS a killer hill. I'm thinking I need to do that every day and do my workouts too. Sounds like a plan! An extra 500 calories a day would be an extra pound loss a week - that works for me. Only 12 days until I go to the Biggest Loser Resort. I paid my final payment today – so I guess it is official – I’m going to get my butt kicked. There is no backing out of it now. I had a little conversation with the intake person at the resort and told her about my blog and that I would be blogging while I was there. I was making sure there was wireless access on the resort – and yes there is. That will be cool. You will get to here the blow by blow – probably literally – details of my stay. I know you can’t wait!! Anyway, I decided I am going to drive there – a five hour drive. That shouldn’t be too bad – plenty of time for reflection on the drive there. And, hopefully, on the way back time to relish in my accomplishments of the week. Workout at 7 a.m. tomorrow – maybe some boxing!

13 days and counting....that is about all I can say today

14 days and counting

I had another somewhat sleepless night last night. I'm not sure what is up with that. Maybe it is hormonal. I need to get my hormones checked and all my blood work done to see where I am at. I'm going to do that before I go the the resort. So, that gives me 14 days to get into the lab. I will make that a goal for next week. Sounds like plan. I didn't make it to walk this morning - I was just too tired, plus it was the only day I could sleep in. So, I slept in to 9 a.m. That is really late for me. Tomorrow Steve and I are playing golf in the morning and then out to an early dinner with his mom for Mother's Day.

Tired

Still feeling pretty darn out of it. I did manage to workout this morning though. Tomorrow I have a walk planned up Euclid - that should help. But, I am sooooo tired today. Couldn't be that I only got four hours of sleep last night? Of course that is it. Planning on a good nights sleep tonight. I am counting down to my Biggest Loser Resort week - only 15 days until I leave. Woo Hoo! That does make me feel a little better!

Mercury in Retrograde?!?!

Well, I am still having a bad time mentally. I ate well today and worked out, but I just don't feel right. Whatever right is. I was doing so well and feeling so strong until last Friday. I am not sure what triggered me into a spiral of lack of confidence, bad eating, not exercising and generally just treating myself crappy. It could be that I didn't get the high fives and hugs that I craved when I told someone how well I've done on my journey since January or maybe it is this Mercury in Retrograde thing. I looked up some information on what happens during this retrograde period. Here is what I learned:

"The key issue here is one of focus. Mercury's retro phase tends to bring unforeseen changes and blockages, but the aggravation and frustration that many of us experience during these periods is often due to our own inability to roll with the punches. Is this due to our ego-fixation?

Mercury sets out to restructure our thinking processes and for many of us this is painful and frustrating. Unresolved issues from the past tend to push themselves forward. Moreover, these experiences reveal flaws in our internal organization as well as our external planning, which can make us feel foolish and inadequate."

Blockage, aggravation, frustration, unresolved issues from the past, flaws in communication, lack of planning and feeling foolish and inadequate - that pretty much sums up how I have felt and behaved since last Friday. Not sure why, but it is weird how these are the emotions I have been feeling for the last week.

When does this darn thing end? I think it ends on May 11th. And, I think my other major binge was on the first day of the Mercury Retrograde - April 17th or 18th. Oh dear! Only a few more days to go! Thank goodness!

Meltdown

I had a mental and physical meltdown today. I haven't felt well all week. I've had a tummy ache since Sunday. I feel like giving up on this whole quest. I'm tired. Tired of trying. Tired of not releasing weight faster. Tired of working out. Tired of always thinking about what I am going to eat. Tired of feeling guilty when I eat the wrong thing or eat too much. I'm just tired. Maybe that is it - I'm just tired. I'm hoping that a good nights sleep will get me back on track. I heard this quote today that made me realize I want to keep going on this journey and not give up. "Stand up and finish what you started." That is what I am going to do - finish my journey - finish what I have started. After wallowing around today,I hope I am ready and willing to get back on track now tomorrow.

How do you gain six pounds in one week????

Argh! I knew I had drank and ate too much this weekend, but six pounds worth? Oh my gosh...when I got on that scale tonight for our weigh-in I almost fell off it. *()&*%^%%^&*(&**()*() is all I can say. I know I didn't really gain all that back - that would mean I ate 21,000 calories, plus didn't do anything but lay around. I didn't eat that much. So, hopefully I am just bloated. I had a tummy ache all day yesterday and most of today too. So, I am guessing my body is rebelling from eating some not so healthy stuff this weekend, after eating so good for so many weeks. The good news is none of the other family biggest loser contestants lost any weight either, actually three of us gained. Was there something going on cosmically to make this happen? I think Kristen told me Mercury was in retrograde which as making things mixed up. Is that right, Kristen? Oh so this is just a mix up on the scale. That sounds good - it is Mercury in retrogrades fault I gained. LOL. Anyway, tomorrow I am back at is. Today my Prosperity Princesses told me I need to meditate and do yoga and not feel like I have to do something. I should want to do it. And, I do I want to go workout tomorrow morning. I do. I really, REALLY DO!

Re-cap of first four months

I have been on this journey for four months now. I had hoped to have release more weight than I have, but I can say today that I have released thirteen pounds. I looking back at my journey I see where I was not true to myself eating wise. When I started using the GoWearFit monitor it became evident that I still needed to make better food choices. I've learned a lot about myself in the the last four months. Here are some of the more interesting - in my opinion anyway - posts or portions of posts from the beginning of my journey:

I must remember my motto “Just do it with Integrity”

"I am what I am because of what I do and I am what I am because of what I don't do."

"Own it!"

Then my trainer, Marc, asked if I knew the saying “nothing worthwhile is easy,” and told me not to give up. Tonight while I was I was telling my husband, Steve, I had a mini melt down this morning and was frustrated with the whole process he told me “nothing worthwhile happens overnight.”

His pattern is to come around really strong with a lot to say on Friday nights. Oh dear you say. It‘s Friday night and the “little drunk monkey” is coming. Now that I have figured out the little guy’s sabotaging timing, I plan to tell him to take a hike tonight and every Friday night from now on, and every time he tells me not to work out, or to eat that piece of cake, or that I can’t do, or that I’m not good enough I am going to tell him to leave me alone.

One of the things the cards revealed when I asked how my weight loss journey would progress was that I should be honest with myself. At the time I though I am honest with myself!! HA! I realize after reviewing my food and exercise journal for the last 26 days that I have not been 100% honest with myself or committed to my weight loss journey. I say I am committed, but my journal shows otherwise. I kept thinking about what she told me that day, and I realize that I need to be honest with myself about exactly what I have been eating and drinking, and how much I have been exercising.

I realized today that 99% of loosing weight for me is mental – I can’t say I don’t know what to eat, or what is good or bad for me because I do.

Our thoughts become our reality or our thoughts become things. I am reading a great book called Infinite Possibilities by Mike Dooley. It is one of the books that the Prosperity Princesses group is reading and discussing now. I realized today that everything that happens in our lives begins with a thought, whether it be a negative thought or a positive thought. Here is what he said about weight loss - "dwell on the body of your dreams, not the "problem" body, and for good measure, remind yourself that while you might want the comfort of food, so do you want the comfort of a slender self. Whichever desire is greater will win." So, from now on I will be envisioning the body of my dreams. Today we did a magnetizing at Prosperity Princesses and I envisioned myself running the Mud Run. I could feel my body moving, I could hear my rhythmic breathing. I could feel my elation when I crossed the finish line!! Woo Hoo!! The others in the group told me they could see me jumping on a trampoline to get into shape for the big event. I think I'm going to buy a trampoline.

“The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like, consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to its nature.” Charles Haanel

“You create your own universe as you go along” Winston Churchill

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“All that we are is a result of what we have thought.” Buddha

“If it is a new thought to you that gratitude brings your whole mind into closer harmony with the creative energies of the Universe, consider it well, and you will see that it is true.” Wallace Wattles

“What the power is I cannot say. All I know is that it exists.” Alexander Graham Bell

“Everyone visualizes whether he knows it or not. Visualizing is the great secret of success.” Genevieve Behrend

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein

“Whatever the mind….can conceive it can achieve.” W. Clement Stone

“What you resist persists.” Carl Jung

“The essence of this law is that you must think abundance; see abundance, feel abundance, believe abundance. Let no thought of limitation enter your mind.”
Robert Collier

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.”
Henry Ford

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”
Joseph Campbell

“The secret is the answer to all that has been, all that is, and all that will ever be.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Ever have the feeling your life, your true work, has not yet begun?
Ever feel like you're here for something more than you've yet identified? And that a billion eyes are upon you, just waiting for the prophecy to unfold?," from Notes from the Universe from www.tut.com.

Melt that fat - Melt that fat right off my body!!!

everyone to ask the billion dollar question, "How can I direct, or program, my normal thinking mind, my wandering imagination, so that it produces thoughts that are aligned with the things I want, be them weight loss, a new Bentley, or improved relationships?" And the answer is to work with and align your beliefs with the things and events you want to experience. People are not overweight so much because of what they eat, but because of what they think. OH DEAR! THAT DOES MAKE SENSE. Their thinking, their beliefs, dictate the foods they eat, the exercise they get, their metabolism, their hopes and optimisms (or lack thereof), and then through the magic of the Universe, their expectations are met in the flesh by way of the accidents, coincidences, and circumstances of their lives. Always, our thoughts rule, and always, it's our beliefs that govern the vast majority of our thoughts.

Today is day 111 – I can’t believe it. I was reviewing my progress earlier today, and boy did I get a little of track for awhile. I realized today that I probably could have spared myself my week of FUNK had I changed my thoughts, which would have changed my emotions and led me to do things differently. What a concept!!!

”The person who lives in the past has no life.” Time to move forward and live today in the moment!!!

She reiterated what I already knew - that sleep is so important to rejuvenate our bodies, mind and soul - and that not getting enough or the right kind of sleep, i.e. consecutive hours, can impede weight loss and increase our bodies output of the dreaded Cortisol, one of the hormones that regulates appetite. Some studies have shown that losing sleep could affect metabolism by making you feel hungry, even if you're not.

Focus, Suzanne…Focus!!!!

To know and do, is not to know! How profound is that? And, how true is that? So, very true!

I have a bike in my garage that I bought a couple years ago - a sort of hybrid beach cruiser/road bike. I think I'm going to get that thing out and put some air in the tires, shine it up and take a couple spins a week.

I am now visualizing my size 8 self in Provence, France in October of this year.

One of the things that was said at my workshop on the weekend that really made an impact on me was "eat intuitively" - which makes sense because our bodies know what they need.

My new motto is going to be obsession - obsession with reaching my goal.

To know and do, is not to know! How profound is that? And, how true is that? So, very true!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right. Oh boy! Those are some words to heed. We have to keep our thoughts positive in order to create the life we desire.

I really feel like I accomplished something today – digging in the dirt. I believe what I accomplished was grounding myself and actually living in the moment.

Today I decided I want to be feeling good all the time. So, I am going to do things that make me feel good. I'm going make ME feel good all the time – or as much as possible.

I’m also going to concentrate on doing things that bring me joy and not doing things that don’t that I think I have to do.

That is my goal to be in a constant, or a least pretty close to constant, state of joy and gratitude and also focus.

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can not do! Words to ponder for today.

Now on to the next month - a month of success of releasing at least 10 pounds!!!